Chemo Day

It’s chemo day.  I have been super-productive today.  I’ve connected with a ton of people, I’ve sent out emails, I’ve learned about and updated my website.  Time passes by as if I were in a time/space continuum that would make Q proud (those of you that are Star Trek fans will know what I’m talking about.  The rest? Google it.).  It is almost 2 p.m. but if I had no computer and no clock, I would think it was 9 a.m. or 5 p.m.  Time crawls but also speeds up in here.

I’ve pumped, checked in with the nanny, gotten lunch for mami and me.  Now I wait.  The cisplatin is currently up to bat on the IV along with hydration.  Next up: gemzar.  I know way too much about chemo.  And about the protocol.  I know way too much about cholangiocarcinoma, the metastasis to adenocarcinoma and its stages which I had to find out on my own because the doctor never wants to discuss staging. It’s always “we’ll see how the treatment works”.  I am a project manager and this is one of my top two projects (the frog princess being the other).  I need details!  I need an action plan!  I need information!

That’s not always a good thing. I know more than I care to.  But it’s the curse I live with.  My nickname is “House” and I keep a white lab coat on a hanger for when my friends call.  If I had a co-pay for every time I diagnosed one of my friends, I’d have a nice college fund set aside for my child.

But I also feel that I am educated about this enemy we are fighting.  My sister named the tumor. His name is Randall and he is a fat, lazy, sloppy guy.  I have other names for him but want to keep my blog PG.  We are killing him slowly.  He is now ½ the size he was when we started this battle.  We will kill him off completely.  And I will get my mami back!

It’s chemo day. I sit in an uncomfortable chair for the 6-8 hours this takes.  Today makes the 12th treatment.  We have 4 more to go.  I will be here for those as well.  And for anything else that is needed.  I will hold her hand when they are putting in or taking out the needle from her port.  I will get a serious attitude when her standard of care isn’t followed (because I’ve had to educate more than one person on what to do).  I will fall in love with the nurses that treat her because they are soldiers on our side too.  I will share my lunch with her and wait until she is tired of being here to pull out the tamarind balls that she loves.  I will continue to tell her stories of the frog princess even though she sees her every day.  I will tell her about my plans and dreams with this blog and she will ask questions though she has no idea what a blog is and when she wants to find a special button she’s been looking for tells me “so and so said I could find that button on the internet” as if it was a filing cabinet and not the entire world.  I will watch her sleep as I work on my laptop and when I get teary-eyed as my heart fills with love for her, I will pretend it’s my contact lens.  I will love her more than life itself.  And when I grow up, I will pray God makes me just like her.

It’s chemo day and I love my mami just a little more than yesterday.

About Sili

Sili is the owner and Chief Executive Mami of Mamihood Media  and My Mamihood. She was selected as one of Latina Magazine’s top Blogger to Know in 2014 and Latina Magazine’s top 10 Mommy bloggers in 2013. Mother to a 5-year old little girl and campaign fellows for MomsRising.org round out her current passions. Sili is deeply committed to changing the world and coaching you right along toward your purpose. She is viciously awesome. Sili raises armies and builds empires. She also bakes cookies and thangs.

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3 comments

  1. God bless you and your mom, Sili.
    Your family is in my prayers.

  2. My son talks about the blog too. He thinks it knows everything. I can’t believe going through this. It sounds like you are really handling this well.

  3. Tawanna
    Twitter: worldtravelmom

    Thanks for taking me back to your memory with this post. It made me think of our chemo days once a month with Asad. I’m sorry that your family went through the heartache of chemo & losing your mom and that any of us have to go through this but I can tell that you loved fiercely. You are loved just as much in return for being you and for sharing the journey with the world.
    Tawanna recently posted..Happy Feet Thanks To Juil Sandals: Review And Contest GiveawayMy Profile

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