Itâ€™s chemo day.Â I have been super-productive today.Â Iâ€™ve connected with a ton of people, Iâ€™ve sent out emails, Iâ€™ve learned about and updated my website.Â Time passes by as if I were in a time/space continuum that would make Q proud (those of you that are Star Trek fans will know what Iâ€™m talking about.Â The rest? Google it.).Â It is almost 2 p.m. but if I had no computer and no clock, I would think it was 9 a.m. or 5 p.m.Â Time crawls but also speeds up in here.
Iâ€™ve pumped, checked in with the nanny, gotten lunch for mami and me.Â Now I wait.Â The cisplatin is currently up to bat on the IV along with hydration.Â Next up: gemzar.Â I know way too much about chemo.Â And about the protocol.Â I know way too much about cholangiocarcinoma, the metastasis to adenocarcinoma and its stages which I had to find out on my own because the doctor never wants to discuss staging. Itâ€™s always â€œweâ€™ll see how the treatment worksâ€.Â I am a project manager and this is one of my top two projects (the frog princess being the other).Â I need details!Â I need an action plan!Â I need information!
Thatâ€™s not always a good thing. I know more than I care to.Â But itâ€™s the curse I live with.Â My nickname is â€œHouseâ€ and I keep a white lab coat on a hanger for when my friends call.Â If I had a co-pay for every time I diagnosed one of my friends, Iâ€™d have a nice college fund set aside for my child.
But I also feel that I am educated about this enemy we are fighting.Â My sister named the tumor. His name is Randall and he is a fat, lazy, sloppy guy.Â I have other names for him but want to keep my blog PG.Â We are killing him slowly.Â He is now Â½ the size he was when we started this battle.Â We will kill him off completely.Â And I will get my mami back!
Itâ€™s chemo day. I sit in an uncomfortable chair for the 6-8 hours this takes.Â Today makes the 12th treatment.Â We have 4 more to go.Â I will be here for those as well.Â And for anything else that is needed.Â I will hold her hand when they are putting in or taking out the needle from her port.Â I will get a serious attitude when her standard of care isnâ€™t followed (because Iâ€™ve had to educate more than one person on what to do).Â I will fall in love with the nurses that treat her because they are soldiers on our side too.Â I will share my lunch with her and wait until she is tired of being here to pull out the tamarind balls that she loves.Â I will continue to tell her stories of the frog princess even though she sees her every day.Â I will tell her about my plans and dreams with this blog and she will ask questions though she has no idea what a blog is and when she wants to find a special button sheâ€™s been looking for tells me â€œso and so said I could find that button on the internetâ€ as if it was a filing cabinet and not the entire world.Â I will watch her sleep as I work on my laptop and when I get teary-eyed as my heart fills with love for her, I will pretend itâ€™s my contact lens. Â I will love her more than life itself.Â And when I grow up, I will pray God makes me just like her.
Itâ€™s chemo day and I love my mami just a little more than yesterday.