Mami For Hire
As of today, I join the ranks of the unemployed. It was a bittersweet day as I do love the company I worked for and had some pretty awesome co-workers. But alas, such is life.
In the meantime, I figure I can finish moving (because how could I do so during the week with a job and a kid?) and think about my next job (because how could I not with no job and a kid?). And what better way to look for a job than on my blog, eh?
I compiled a short list of jobs that I’d like and think I’d be good at. Below, you can see a couple. And if you are looking to hire, feel free to shoot me an email. I have a very impressive resume package to send you!
Trophy Wife: I am perfectly qualified for this job. I mean, I can cook and I am more than capable of supervising the cleaning. I have a healthy uterus that I totally want to use again. And you have to admit, I make pretty cute babies. I’m a good mami so, you know I’ll take care of the kids and I hate to shop (except on Amazon and for all things electronic but I ALWAYS find good deals). Being a trophy wife will also allow me to blog at my hearts content, find some sponsors that will support my book and shoe habit and generally leave time to hang out with the local mami clique just long enough to have everyone hate me. I will teach the kids valuable lessons (when I’m not blogging of course). My frog princess knows about half of the letters of the alphabet though we are working on understanding the difference between pee and poo. When I’m not writing, I will do my best to potty train. And when I’m not potty training, I’ll totally be blogging about it! Same applies to laboring, breastfeeding, pumping and anything that involves bodily fluids. People can’t know enough about these subjects.
Writer/Blogger: What can I say? Don’t you love my blog? I think that this speaks for itself. I mean, you love reading my writing, I love writing my writing. Someone should totally pay me to do this (you’d pay me, wouldn’t you?).
Project Manager: I guess I can always find a job as a project manager. Having a child makes me an even better PM as my patience has increased so I don’t mind telling someone a million times that they have to turn their hours in (or reprimanding them when they don’t). I have a very calm mami voice that makes people feel at ease (and like a 5 year old). I set down rules that everyone hates and that they usually grumble about but after leaving companies, there have been rumors that those same
kids employees have been overheard in meetings grumbling “Sili would never have let that happen”. Processes are there for a reason and, I’d like to think that I can get buy in from co-workers on this. I also don’t mind cleaning up shit when it hits the fan (which reminds me, I should totally take wipes in if I get a PM job).
That’s all I’ve come up with for now. I can’t be an astronaut because I have glasses and now can’t afford lasik. Also, I don’t like rollercoasters so I figure I’d be a bad space explorer. Add to that the fact that there are no more shuttles flying and there goes that job.
The more I think about it, the more I think trophy wife would be a good fit. You know what, let me go look on Monster and see what I can find. In the meantime, if you are interested in me applying for a job, shoot me an email. You won’t be sorry.
Footnote: Kelly C. my good friend and recruiter wants me to give her credit because she too would like to be a trophy wife (though for the record I’ve been talking about this position for years!). While she’s an awesome recruiter, she hasn’t been able to get me this position so, I’m questioning all kinds of things right now. Kelly, here’s your footnote! 😛