Last night I was in my bed listening to some music with the mamiPad propped on my stomach. It didn’t lie flat and I wondered why. When I looked further down to where the tablet met my tummy I noticed a puff that wasn’t there before and I thought “well, damn”. But it made me smile and as I did, these words flowed out…
I look down and see softness where there was once the firmness of youth and the promise of what I have already birthed. I can’t help but smile. This is who I am.
Theres a weight to my breasts that only nourishment can bring. Long past are the days when they are merely thought of as a predetermined symbol of what I have already done. Because, this is who I am.
Though I can’t say my body is scarred and beaten by the miracle of bringing forth a life, it has certainly softened me in places I didn’t think it would. I’m okay with that. After all, this is who I am.
On nights like this, I can sit back and think of the long nights of the weekend when I was dressed to a tee and was given the attention and accolades that I could certainly command. Now? I can tell you about the hugs I received, the kisses I demanded. Though I could dance in 5 inch heels, the best way to go about it is barefoot with little feet following your lead.
Don’t get me wrong, I sometimes miss the days when I’d hang with the pretty people that thought themselves someone because of the way they looked. Now I hang with the beautiful people who know they are. Simply. Are. And that is so much deeper.
My back hurts from picking up a toddler though with every pound my weight is lifted. My body has lost some of its appeal though I am perfect in what she needs. I may have sleepless nights but in the morning, when I look in the mirror all I can do is smile. At the beauty that I cannot find in magazines. At the twinkle that cannot be captured on film.
Because I am perfect. I am whole. I am true. Can you say the same about you?
I think it’s interesting that I never think about the Blogger site that I set up so long ago. I always think of this as my first blog but, it really isn’t. The rest of the volumes of this series can be found there. I’m thinking about bringing them over and will probably do that in the coming months. Here is Between the Shades.