I recently had an email exchange with one of my Sorors who is near and dear to my heart. The conversation was around getting some things done within the committees that we belong to. I had emailed to ask her what I could do and I’m sure I apologized for not having done more up until this point.
In her typical, no nonsense manner, she gave me the title to this post. I took from it that no excuses were going to be accepted and to just do the work! Don’t waste time explaining why it hasn’t been done before. Do it now. I smiled and shook my head because, she is right.
You know what I have noticed lately? A general sense of being overwhelmed at all times. Along with that, I find myself apologizing for everything I do not do. And I’m tired of it.
Tired of apologizing for not providing someone with something they would like from me because I was busy with homework. Tired of apologizing for not signing up for this thing or that because I can’t swing it with my schedule and the frog princess.
I am tired of explaining myself, as if I had to. Of feeling the need to let everyone know all the balls that I am currently juggling and offering them up as an excuse. Frankly, I can’t do it all and people are just going to have to deal with it because I am trying my best. More importantly, I need to let go of feeling as if people don’t understand or self imposing the guilt.
My email exchange reminded me that I have let some people down. Important people that mean a lot to me. And this means that I need to reassess not only my priorities but my load. I need to look through what is on my plate right now and make some hard decisions because at the end of the day, I cannot do it all and I’d rather say no to some things up front that be disappointed in myself when I don’t handle what I should.
The product of me trying to do it all has been falling asleep with the frog princess the last 2 nights and not having the strength to get up and get things done in the middle of the night. My body is telling me that I’m doing too much. And, so is my mind. I have been fatigued beyond measure and that, in turn, is affecting me with handling the things that I am able to handle. It’s a lovely cycle, isn’t it? Thankfully, it stops today.
Bogged down with the daily juggling and the self-imposed guilt of not being the exceptional juggler that I was just a few short years back, I have to come to terms with the fact that my life is different right now and in the last couple of years my priorities have changed. It doesn’t mean I care any less about the causes I have always supported or the organizations that I belong to. It simply means that I am at a stage in my life right now where my time is having to be very closely monitored in order for me to do what I’m supposed to do effectively.
Does that make sense? I miss doing community service. I miss teaching Sunday school. I miss mentoring young girls. But, which of those can I do, still be committed to school, building my business and the frog princess? These are all things that I need to look at as I start to perform something that my Line Sister has long been trying to get through my head: selective abandonment. Do I want to be the one to say no to something that I believe in, love and once was able to do? I don’t. But, what will I be able to contribute to these causes at a later date when I am stable with my business and finished with school?
I got a chance to hear Dr. Daisy Sutherland, author of the book Letting Go of Supermom, speak at the Niche Mommy conference. She said a lot of things that spoke to how I am feeling. I remember her saying that it is hard for us to say no to things. She also provided us with a different way to say it: I can’t say yes to that right now. And so, that phrase is being added to my vocabulary. Right. Now.
No complaints will be accepted. No excuses and no guilt. Do what you can now and then keep it moving to the next task. That’s what my Soror reminded me of this week.
How do you handle having too much on your plate?
I’m pouring my heart out on the wrong day of the week. But guess what? I’m not apologizing for it.