Monday , 1 September 2014

Mami Moments: Creating Who I Want to Be

It’s the middle of the night. I fell asleep with the frog princess last night. It never fails to surprise me. One minute I am wide awake and the next I’m waking up wondering what happened. I think I have it figured out. She lulls me to sleep with her rhythmic breathing. When she’s awake, I’m fine. It’s when her breathing slows and her words cease that the magic happens.

The sound transports me to a time when that little body would lie comfortably on my chest and those little lungs would take in air in the same way they do now.

I woke up 2 minutes before midnight. I still had work to finish up for school. Work that wasn’t going to get done in 2 minutes. I’m tired of stressing. Tired of trying to be perfect in school and by extension driving myself mad because there’s just too much going on. I fell back asleep, lulled once again by the little body probably dreaming of dancing and snacks.

Waking up from my slumber at 3, I made my way to zenMami to get work done. Of course, at 3 a.m. Blackboard goes down for maintenance every night. So I caught up on messages, and scrolled down my timeline. There, I found Jada. And I found words to reflect upon. Lots of them. These caught my eye though:

I love these words. I have been struggling lately. Wanting to stop and smell the roses but feeling as if I had to keep going to fulfill…what? To prove that I can have everything on my plate and make straight A’s? To post 3 times a week? To get more business? I don’t want to make choices in order to wield a certain outcome. It’s been stressful. And it’s not the person I want to be.

Ultimately it comes down to that sleeping child and the calm I feel when I listen to her breathing. The choices I make and how they affect her. The choices I will change starting today so that I am not negatively affected.

I want to create the person that I want to be proud of. The person that I want that little body to be proud of. And I don’t want to live my life with regrets. Don’t want to walk in the what if’s puddles that sometimes seem inevitable at certain stages of our lives.

Today my word is FIERCE (a): (of a feeling, emotion, or action) Showing a heartfelt and powerful intensity. What word defines you and allows you to get closer to creating the person who you want to be?

     

About Sili

Sili is the owner and Chief Executive Mami of Mamihood Media and My Mamihood. Selected as one of Latina Magazine’s top Blogger to Know in 2014 and Latina Magazine’s top 10 Mommy bloggersin 2013, My Mamihood was described as “a haven for fashion inspiration, baby concerns, must read books and even tech musings! This blog will keep you reading for hours…” When not appearing on top 10 lists or speaking passionately about those things she holds near and dear to hear heart, this Afro Latina loves hanging out with her frog princess, helping others, trash talking in her setting up all-girl Fantasy football leagues, reading and finding new gadgets to play with. She is currently punishing herself by pursuing an MBA with a concentration in social media from Southern New Hampshire University on hiatus from school much to the chagrin of her Type A personality.

5 comments

  1. This really speaks to my heart right now. I’m struggling between making choices because they’re right for me and making choices which yield a favorable outcome.

    In the end we all have to be able to live with ourselves and be happy, though. The best choices will come from that place and, ultimately, the ones which work across the board in all areas.

    I’m cheering you on!
    Mrs. Jen B recently posted..#HonorMyself Monday – Honor Your DreamsMy Profile

    • Sili
      Twitter: mymamihood

      I always say go for it! I’m crazy like that. My dad says that I’ll only fail if I don’t risk so, what the heck, right? Thanks for stopping by and, let me know how your choice turns out. Cheering you right back!

      oxoxox

  2. I’ve decided to stop doing things for the sake of it. I want to be more mindful, more present, more intentional with my time – for my sake, for my family’s. I’m happier this way.

    Go you!
    Alison recently posted..Dear Future FriendMy Profile

  3. {Kathy} A sleeping child brings us all back to the essence of motherhood. We are here for them, even while they sleep. I am happy for you that you have the blessing of sharing those moments that nourish you and help focus you on what is really important. Your warm shoulder next to her was the most important thing you could have given her.
    Mothering From Scratch recently posted..three keys to a great kid’s birthdayMy Profile

  4. There is something soothing about just been near a sleeping child!

    My would would be calm, I used to have serious anger issues and I got over them, now I never get wound up or annoyed and am a better person for it!

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