I know we are only 2 days into the school year but I already have things I’m judging. Life is short, people and I have no damn time to wait.
Also, I am missing my Judgey Pop and suspect someone might’ve eaten it. I don’t know how I feel about this other than it’s making me extra judgey. Let’s get right to it.
1. Alarm Clocks
So I know we don’t have “alarm clocks” per se. Though I will say I have one but I refuse to actually set it. How can I judge an alarm clock I haven’t yet set? Well 2 things: 1. it’s 2016, it should know what time I need to get up and set itself for me and b. I continuously sleep through my phone alarm because obviously technology is failing me. Okay so technically, I’ve slept through 3 alarms before. What am I supposed to do? They do not work! I mean, I’m a light sleeper so I don’t understand the problem.
My subconscious is all “forget you and your responsibilities! We are going to turn this off instead of hitting snooze!” What can I do? Well, I can judge it, that’s what!
For the very first time, I don’t have to pack lunch because my daughter’s school now offers it (shout out to that!). The thing is, she’s still all “why don’t you pack me a lunch anyway AND pay for lunch and then I’ll figure out what I feel like having when I get there?” Really, chick? You’re not going to let me live sans lunch prep? Well, if I have to keep packing food, I’m judging it ALL!
3. School Buses
My child doesn’t ride the school bus. So first and foremost, I’m judging this school for allowing all of us outside of the school zone to sign our kids up thereby rendering us bus-free. But mostly, I’m judging these school buses for being in these streets when I am obviously on my way to school!
So, not only are you NOT picking up my kid but you’re all up on this road blocking my obvious bee line to this crazy ass carpool line? I’m especially judging school buses because it leads to…
4. Carpool Lines
You guise! If you follow my FB page, you may or may not have heard my rants last year about folks doing the least to follow car pick up rules. Well, this year I am here to tell you that we are at a bigger school. I had a semi coronary when I saw TWO lines today. TWO! I read the car pickup rules, it said nothing of two lines. But let the record show that I also did not get the diagram that was listed so, there’s that. Yes, I take carpool seriously.
I don’t get road rage but I get carpool rage. I judge it all. Like, the person that used to park their car, walk. across. cars. in. pickup. line. and then pick up their kid. Where deydoo that at?! This is the equivalent of you sashaying yo ass up to the drive thru in your sassiest Converses. It should not be done!
I love coffee, you know that. I have a very special relationship with Cafe Bustelo. But, I’m judging all matters of caffeine because, like these alarm clocks, there’s no mind-reading capabilities currently in the works. I use a percolator. Why can’t things just magically happen so that I can get caffeinated before I leave here to drop my kid off?
Do better, coffee! Do better!
Speaking of doing better, Ima need y’all to go grab this book if you’d like to getcho life right in the judging category. Or, getchu the audiobook read by the side eye sorceress herself, Ms. Luvvie Ajayi.
I’ll be doing a separate book review but rest assured, I’m Judging You: The Do-Better Manual is the one damn book you should NOT miss this fall. Hurry up and get it before you make my next judgment list. What’d I miss on this back-to-school judgment? Holla at ya girl!
UPDATE: listen to a book excerpt here!
Disclosure: I love Luvvie and I’m not afraid to tell you. I am not being paid nor rewarded with jollof rice (though seriously, would it kill her?!). All thoughts, opinions and judgments are purely my own. Also: there’s an affiliate link up in here. Why, you ask? Because I need the coins to buy the kid more knee socks. Judge that!