He Owned Life: Stuart Scott Wins!

You beat cancer by how you live, why you live and in the manner in which you live."

I have been watching sports for a long time. I can say that my favorite thing to watch was SportsCenter. Well, I’m lying. My favorite thing to watch was Stuart Scott. You guys ever fall in love with a person that might not know your name? So many of us felt this way about Stuart. This dude that strolled up ...

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What Dreams May Come: On Depression & Suicide


I tried my best to stay off social media this weekend. And off my email. The result? Lots of emails to go through and lots of news missed. Primarily the death of Mike Brown in Ferguson, MO. I have little words for this right now and will speak more of it later because in truth, all that’s going to come ...

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What I’ve Learned About Joy and Now


I’m not all together this week, guys. Please charge it to my heart this time. I am always shocked at how I feel around this time of the year. I want to find the guy who said time heals all wounds and beat his ass. In re-reading some posts from before Mami’s passing, I found this quote that struck me. ...

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Broken On Mother’s Day

Broken Heart

One day shouldn’t mean so much no matter how much society wants it to. It shouldn’t. At least not for me. My first mother’s day was disastrous and I secretly feel set the tone for the rest of my life. I was preoccupied with my mother’s illness having been diagnosed and operated on just weeks prior. My relationship was falling ...

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A Mother’s Wishlist


I am filled with shame and disappointment right now. At myself. At the person I have become. When did it happen, exactly? Was it while I was potty training? Or maybe it was all the nursing I did? Is this payback for that? I really don’t know how to explain it. But this Mother’s Day, I have something on my ...

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Doesn’t that sound like something funny or benign? “Hey, stop making me laugh with that cholangiocarcinoma of yours!”. Mami died of it. It killed her in 10 months. No questions asked. One powerful round of 2 chemo drugs that reduced the tumor to half its size in the first half of the treatment and seemed like doubled in size within ...

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The Eulogy I Never Gave

Mami - Hammock

One of my mom’s friends came up to me after the funeral and told me she’d been disappointed to not have heard me speak. I eulogized my grandmother and she thought I’d do the same for Mami. But I didn’t. I let her childhood friend go on and on and on about her. Because it made me happy to have ...

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Newtown: Praying Through the Tears

Child Praying

“Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.” I always found that prayer a little morbid especially for children. So, when the time came for me to teach the frog princess a prayer, I used the modified version ...

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The Dance

I have been navigating a minefield carefully orchestrated dance. It’s called grief during the holidays. If I had to put music to it then it would have to be Valse Triste by Sibelius. In this dance, I have 2 dresses. One is colorful and bright. The other is a muted gray like the puffy clouds on a rainy day. I ...

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