(I hereby proclaim November as mushy month!Â And maybe December too.Â We’ll see how things go)
It has taken a while for me to write this.Â Initially, I thought Iâ€™d do it as part of an assignment with The SITS Girls but Iâ€™ve been slacking on it primarily because I donâ€™t know how I will feel when I write these words.
You will be moving away in 15 days and I am not sure how I feel about that. We havenâ€™t really talked about it in a while.Â With everything going on, we havenâ€™t spent QT lately and I hope that we can find an evening or two when we have our famous bed meetings watching The Food Network and talking about things that we wonâ€™t remember.Â
This time last year, I remember you coming over to the house and hanging out with me.Â When we were in the bed, Iâ€™d lift my shirt and youâ€™d see your niece wiggling around inside.Â Youâ€™d touch her and tell me it felt weird.Â But I was so glad you were able to share that with me.Â Now I wonder if Iâ€™ll be around when itâ€™s your turn.Â Itâ€™s been a LONG time since Iâ€™ve had to do without you.
I miss you already.Â I hate the thought that the frog princess wonâ€™t see you every day.Â That she wonâ€™t get to pull your hair or make you giggle.Â I feel that Iâ€™ve split myself into two.Â One part of me is ecstatic at the adventure that lies ahead for you while the other canâ€™t bear the thought of you going away.Â It might have something to do with mom being ill.Â Or perhaps it is just because of the overwhelming love that I feel for you.
I thought that this letter would be long and drawn out.Â But I donâ€™t think it will.Â I am sad that you are leaving and unsure at how I will feel when the day comes.Â But I am proud of you for embarking on a new adventure and for following your heart.Â You have grown into such a fabulous woman.Â I hope you know that.Â I love you as a sister but I also cherish you as a friend.Â And both of these people will miss terribly.
Who will make up stories about Chico Mendes with me?Â Who will laugh at my jokes?Â Who will get my stories without an explanation?Â Who will babysit, I ask?!?Â I donâ€™t know if I trust anyone else to rummage through my pantry and eat the raw cookie dough in the fridge.Â And forget about sharing the password to my wireless router.Â What will I do without my sweet little Q?
I think this is all that I can write without breaking down in tears.Â And, since I am sitting here with mom at her last chemo session, I think itâ€™s best if I keep it short, sweet and to the point minus the waterworks.Â Because how will I be able to tell her whatâ€™s wrong?Â How will I share with her that part of my heart is moving away?Â If I did, I think she would understand.
This will be the first of many letters, I hope.Â I miss you already and I canâ€™t wait to see you when I stop by later on today.
Loving you always,