It’s been a fun couple of weeks. Â And by fun I mean not so much! Â I will say that I have tried hard to keep my swagger up and going. It’s not easy. It’s not fun. But dammit, I’m doing it! I won’t bore you with the details of my personal life. Â But, I will tell you all about this monster inside me.
About 8 years ago, I was in a book selection meeting when I noticed a blur in my vision. Â That led me to the doctor who informed me that it appeared I had toxoplasmosis. Â The what? Isn’t that a cat thing? For those of you not up to speed with Monster Inside Me on the Animal Planet, toxoplasmosis isÂ an infection due to the parasiteÂ Toxoplasma gondii.
The doc asks me if I’ve been out of the country recently (why yes, yes I have). Â Then she tells me that not only can you catch toxomplasmosis from cat poop (I had cats years prior) but that you can also get it from undercooked meat and from salad (kind of like e. coli). Â I also learned that a lot of people actually get this and don’t realize they have it. Â I guess I just happen to be one of the lucky ones. Â High stress combined with a lowered immune system can wake up the beast. Â Off I go to radiology because did you know that toxo can go into your lungs? Yup, it can!
I go to a retina specialist and go through a battery of tests and get confirmation. All they can do is give you antibiotics. Â A MONTH’S WORTH. Â My body loved this part (the ladies will know what I mean by that). Â Then voila! The beast slumbers.
Fast forward to last week. I wake up with a floater in my eye and think: shit! I’ve been wanting to set up the appointment with the Lasik guy because I want to be done with contacts and glasses. Â Off I go to contact the eye magician. I’m told they can see me and figure out what’s going on with my eye. Â I go, spend an entire morning there because who the hell knew how long this would take (I’m sure they did but it was never communicated). Â Oh and did I mention that I had to sign a consent to get my eyes dilated. I’ve had my eyes dilated before but I’ve NEVER had to sign a consent. Â I remember reading something like: it could take up to 24 hours for the effects to pass. Â I thought nothing of it. I’ve had glasses since senior year in high school, I’m an eye expert. Â Um, no. Not so much.
Hours later, I find myself at work unsuccessfully staring at my Mac while trying to make out the blurbs in front of me. Â And the phone? Well forget about that! I managed to dial a few people because I had pictures next to their text messages. Â I had to call my boss to let her know that I couldn’t work. Â Thankfully, I was able to decipher the little black blob and longer black blob as her name and I hit call (mental note: set up the voice dial on the phones!). Â All that and I STILL had to go back to the retina specialist. Â Two days later, I found myself doing the same thing. Driving with dilated eyes (I’m not going to lie, it was kind of cool having Cheshire cat eyes but I hoped I wouldn’t get pulled over because I’m sure the officer’s first thought wouldn’t be “oh, dilated eyes!”). Â Thankfully Dr. Lehr did not take all day. Â He was in, he was out and I had myself a prescription for some new antibiotics.
I started taking them this morning. Â I worked from home today as my eyes just make me feel all kinds of ways. Â It’s funny because when your vision is slightly impaired, it really affects your attitude, and your internal vision to a certain extent. Â Well, I’m glad I stayed home. Â I had yummy Mexican food for lunch yesterday and I remember one of the guys commenting about how his anal orifice was going to be on fire after all that food. Â When my stomach started feeling not so hot I thought ah! It must’ve been the Mexican food. Â Nothing crazy, nothing major. Â Just some bubbling intestines. Â I go through my day, pick up the frog princess and tonight manage to go take my antibiotic dose. Â Something told me to read the label. Â That’s when I saw it: Take this medication with plenty of water (which I’m pretty sure I did not!). Â Do not lie down for at least 10 minutes after taking this medication (what?! What can happen? I need examples on this one). Â May cause diarrhea. Â If persists or becomes severe notify doctor or pharmacist. Â Aha! Â Jackpot! Â So it wasn’t the Mexican food after all! Â I’m typing this blog with bubbly intestines and there’s nothing I can do about it. Â Other than share, of course!
I sit here staring at my computer not wanting to because I’m blurry in my right eye and after a long day sitting in front of the computer, my eye is irritated and strained. I hope to remedy some of that by getting some cheap new glasses tomorrow (with an upgraded prescription that I refuse to admit to because I am convinced that the reason my eyes aren’t “equal” as they’ve always been is because of this crazy floater that impairs my vision when I’m trying to read tiny ass letters from across the room). Â Let the record show that I have had the same prescription in BOTH eyes all the time I’ve worn glasses. Â It’s a balance thing that comes with a certain level of OCD. Â Don’t judge me.
I have a parasite in my eye and I STILL have mami swagger! Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go lie down, close my eyes and try not to get sick with the thought of a little parasite hanging out so close to my brain.