Scandal Premiere: 6 Rules of Engagement

Scandal premieres tonight. An hour earlier than before. If you don’t know about the show then I suggest you head on over and let Luvvie bring you up to speed (she’s the goddess of all things recapish as it pertains to Scandal).

This post is short and sweet. I would like to humbly speak for ALL female Scandal watchers.

Here are the rules of engagement for Thursday nights from the hours of 9:00 p.m. – 11:00 p.m. (because I suspect this will be my “watch TV” night and I’m putting it out into the universe that How to Get Away With Murder is gonna rock my socks).

• If you have never watched the show, acquaint yourself with Google and Netflix and catch up. Do not ask us for a recap. All you will get is a side eye/side mouth convo with a right-sided neck twist.
• Unless someone is very ill/almost dying and we can literally save their lives, don’t call us. No sense in messing up all of our 9 o’clock hour.
• Men: if, during this season, a time comes when we are sitting on the couch watching the show, this is NOT the time to attempt to hug, kiss or talk. Save that for later lest we decide to do the same during your team’s football game. (unless you’re Jake and then we can negotiate this stance)
• Talking is not really allowed. However, Facebook and Twitter posts are encouraged. If you want to talk, here is a list of approved phrases:
  • Oh damn!
  • WTF?!
  • Awww hell naw!
  • Did…did…did that just happen?!
  • BAM!
  • Oh yeah!
  • Uh huh!!!
  • GET IT GURL!
  • GEEEZUS!
  • Ohmaigaah!
  • YASSSSSS!
  • Wellllllll (in a preacher’s tone)
  • Awww shiiiiittttt!
  • What in the hell?!?
  • Tweet that! Tweet that!
  • Shonda! You killin’ me!
• The above phrases are usually accompanied by standing up and falling out on the couch, shoulder shimmies, hand clapping, roof-raising or any other scandaly acceptable behavior that would suggest you are totally feeling the phrases above.
• Drinking is usually required during these shows due to their intensity. If you are coming over to watch this show, please be sure to have a Koonunga Hill Penfolds shiraz tucked away in your bag. Failing that, bring over the appropriate ingredients to make yourself a Scandalous Cinnamon Delight.

Please follow these rules because you might get hurt if you disturb the gladiators in action (and by action I mean watching the show). I don’t want that to happen especially because I haven’t yet set up the GoFundMe for gladiator bail money.

I’m excited about the premiere. But you know why I think everyone is extra excited? Because we get to interact with one another (whether in real life or on social media). We get into it, we make each other laugh, we reconnect. We forget about the real world for an hour and enjoy the genius that is Shondaland!

Will you be watching? What did I forget from the list?