I have a long list of topics that I’ve been meaning to write about. About half of that list contains topics on relationships and sex-ish topics.
It occurred to me that I don’t think I’ve written much on this subject. Why? Not sure. I never lost my sexuality after I had my baby. For a while, I lost my confidence (and it had nothing to do with the baby). But here I am, opening up to you all about relationships and dating.
I really love The Good Men Project. I think I read about 5 articles on their site today. This one caught my attention and held it long enough for me to become introspective on the subject: If Only More Women Would Stop Doing This One Thing…
Let me start by saying that, I am a liker of the sext. And the romance. And the giddiness one feels when there’s someone that “does it to you” without “doing it to you”. You know what I mean?
I love the connection that we make in life. And I love it when you can not only exchange energy with a person but passion as well.
After reading that post and wanting to talk about it I realized something: I think I’ve skimmed over the topic of sex on this blog altogether. Say it ain’t so!
During this year of Epic, I have to solemnly swear to be more open about certain things. I talk to some of my readers via private message and share information there, or on the Twitters. And I always seem to talk to my friends about the more risque topics.
But, I’m inwardly intrigued as to why I haven’t stepped into my comfort zone on this topic. Could it be that even though I tout that Mamihood is all-encompassing, I’ve refused to add “sex, sexy, sexing, sexual” to the bucket? I recall touching on the subject when I had a negative experience with a future mentor (and present anal orifice). But not much more.
These thoughts have led me to theorize that perhaps I hold those societal prejudices against a part of myself. That, as a single woman, I am somehow devoid of feeling a certain way. Or that as a mom I am not able to have certain experiences.
So here I am. Ready to open up the conversation.
Can we go back to the article I read before I gave y’all this monologue (I am channeling Papa Pope, I think)?
We don’t tell men what we want. And I think it goes beyond the bedroom but, I want to stay here for a second. Because it’s important.
Being honest is paramount in a relationship. But it means nothing if we are not honest with ourselves. If we don’t know how to make ourselves happy, why should we ever expect someone else to do so? It’s unfair to put that on someone else’s shoulder. I mean you could maybe put your thighs on their shoulders but the burden of pleasure? Madam! That lies squarely between your…ears.
According to the study mentioned, a whopping 87% of us “moan” or vocalize during intercourse to: a) boost their man’s self-image as a lover, and b) speed things up. And though I think I’m pretty honest and I like to think I’m up front and real with men, this statistic has me second guessing myself!
So the question is: how can we be more honest in the bedroom? First with ourselves and then with our partners. If it starts with us, I believe we need to start talking about it. So, let’s talk about it. Do you talk to your partner about what you like? Do you know what you like?