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The Great Debate

05/19/11 | Breastfeeding

I have read a great many blogs and articles lately about nursing. And it’s starting to piss me off! I don’t believe you should judge someone’s decision to nurse or bottle feed. I don’t believe that you need to blurt out your very personal explanation as to why you are doing what you are doing WITH YOUR KID to a stranger.  I have had friends who wanted to nurse but couldn’t. And they have happy, lovely kids. I have friends that never even wanted to try it and it doesn’t make them any less loving toward their child.

BUT I do feel that, while a lot of people talk about being judged for bottle feeding, those same people turn right around and make judgements about nursing! You are doing the same thing that you claim scarred you and made you miserable. Why? Does it make us feel better to bring someone down? What is it with us women not accepting one another and lifting each other up?

I can say that I received slack from people about my decision to nurse. So I guess we’re all being harassed by others. But it was MY choice. I stand by it.  I stand by the time that the frog princess nursed and my decision to self-wean.  It is MY body and it is MY child.  The same applies to all women who choose to bottle feed.  I wish I could start a movement to stop all the judgement!

As long as a baby is loved, I don’t care how you nourish it (and neither will the baby). It is unfortunate that as mamis, we’re running around feeling bad for our choices as if we don’t have enough on our plates. I am sincerely sorry that mamis that don’t nurse (for whatever the reason) feel judged or somehow made to feel like they are less than other mamis.  But don’t sit on your high horse and think that you can judge me for the way that I chose to provide sustenance just because someone did it to you.  What ever happened to do undo others as you’d have them do unto you?

Related:   A Boob By Any Other Color: On Breastfeeding and Privilege

Can we make a conscious decision to stop the judging?

It is sad to see that women don’t encourage, compliment or nurture one another more often. This world would be a different place if we did.

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Comments | 7 comments

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Comments

  1. Brittany {Mommy Words} says

    May 19, 2011 at 10:10 am

    Amen. I get a lot more judgement for breastfeeding than people think yet I do not judge nursing decisions. The world would be a much better place if women laid off on so many subjects.

    Reply
  2. Chanel says

    May 19, 2011 at 10:41 am

    What a great post! You are right about there being so much judgement coming from both sides. It is all about personal preference. I choose to nurse my baby girl but that doesn’t mean that she is any better than a bottle fed baby. We need to be more concerned with other things instead of how a baby is being fed. All that is important is that the baby IS getting fed and is loved.

    Reply
  3. Mariah says

    May 19, 2011 at 1:47 pm

    I’ve done both and my children are healthy and happy. If you choose to or not too, great! Be the best freaking mom you can!

    Reply
  4. Amanda says

    May 19, 2011 at 9:17 pm

    As a nursing mommy to a toddler, I’ve noticed most of the judgment over nursing started after a year. Usually in the form of a comment with an obvious angle – such as, ‘So…how long DO you plan on breastfeeding? [wink, wink]’. As usual, I think the judging comes out of ignorance of both bottle and breastfeeding. It’s so sad because we the power to create an immense support system for one another as mothers and women. I’m joining your anti-judgement movement!!

    Reply
  5. Angela @ Keeping Up with the Joneses says

    May 19, 2011 at 9:58 pm

    I nurse 90 percent of the time and bottle/formula feed the rest, but if people want to judge I tell them they can miss me with that stuff. Moms will do what is best for their children and people need to leave them alone. We have the right to parent our children the way we see fit and that is our right to do so!

    Non-judgment zone over here!

    Reply
    • rc says

      May 26, 2011 at 6:12 pm

      I beg to differ. It is never healthier to give your child formula in place of breastmilk. So to say that “Moms will do what is best for their children,” in the same breath – it really is not a fact. it isn’t BEST to give a child formula if they can have breastmilk instead because breastmilk is healthier. That doesn’t mean that we need to think a person is horrible for choosing to formula feed. But breasmilk IS healthier.

      Reply
  6. Mandy says

    May 26, 2011 at 6:52 pm

    I too have done both. My daughter, who is now almost 6, was a formula fed baby. She is happy and healthy and one smart little girl! My son, who is 5 months, is ebf and I am loving it. I do NOT judge other moms. I have been there done that, all I care about and put my energy into is parenting my two beautiful children. Therefore, I think the judgmental mothers out there need to take a long hard look at what they are doing first before attacking someone else. Geez can’t we all just get along?!

    Reply

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Chief Executive Mami

Sili Recio is a mom, writer and advocate based in Orlando, Florida.  She is also a staff member at MomsRising, a grassroots organization advocating for moms and families. Sili is deeply committed to changing the world and works daily to inspire and empower women through storytelling and advocacy. 

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