Last night I was in my bed listening to some music with the mamiPad propped on my stomach. It didn’t lie flat and I wondered why. When I looked further down to where the tablet met my tummy I noticed a puff that wasn’t there before and I thought “well, damn”. Â But it made me smile and as I did, these words flowed out…
I look down and see softness where there was once the firmness of youth and the promise of what I have already birthed. I can’t help but smile. This is who I am.
Theres a weight to my breasts that only nourishment can bring. Long past are the days when they are merely thought of as a predetermined symbol of what I have already done. Because, this is who I am.
Though I can’t say my body is scarred and beaten by the miracle of bringing forth a life,Â it has certainly softened me in places I didn’t think it would. I’m okay with that. After all, this is who I am.
On nights like this, I can sit back and think of the long nights of the weekend when I was dressed to a tee and was given the attention and accolades that I could certainly command. Now? I can tell you about the hugs I received, the kisses I demanded. Though I could dance in 5 inch heels, the best way to go about it is barefoot with little feet following your lead.
Don’t get me wrong, I sometimes miss the days when I’d hang with the pretty people that thought themselves someone because of the way they looked. Now I hang with the beautiful people who know they are. Simply. Are. And that is so much deeper.
My back hurts from picking up a toddler though with every pound my weight is lifted. My body has lost some of its appeal though I am perfect in what she needs. I may have sleepless nights but in the morning, when I look in the mirror all I can do is smile. At the beauty that I cannot find in magazines. At the twinkle that cannot be captured on film.
Because I am perfect. I am whole. I am true. Can you say the same about you?
I think it’s interesting that I never think about the Blogger site that I set up so long ago. I always think of this as my first blog but, it really isn’t. Â The rest of the volumes of this series can be found there. I’m thinking about bringing them over and will probably do that in the coming months. Â Here is Between the Shades.